(film review) - Underworld: Awakening

First and foremost. Kate Beckingsale in a Catsuit. MEOW MEOW!!! I'm not sure who I'd like more out of Zoe Saldana in a Catsuit (Colombiana) and Kate, as I've seen Kate in 3 films now donning her Catsuit, but I think they should have a competition. #The End

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I spent a few evenings watching Underworld, Underworld: Evolution & Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. I should have really thought about it and watched it chronologically, but I just didn't. Nothing lost. But to summarise the story so far.

A Immortal named Alexander Corvinus had three sons. One bitten by bat (Markus) making him the first Vampire, one bitten by wolf (William) making him the first Werewolf and another who lives a normal life bite-free and gave rise to a line of descendants including Michael Corvin who is later to become a Lycan-Vampire Hybrid.
Before that of course, William was captured by Viktor and kept away from his brother, Markus as Viktor believes William to be too dangerous to roam free. With werewolves as slaves to watch over the vampires as they sleep and to work as slaves when they are awake, a werewolf gave birth to a human looking werewolf named Lucian. Lucian was the first of the Werewolves (Lycans) who could change into wolf form and revert back to human form at will.
Viktor raised Lucian, breeding a new species of Lycans. Lucian eventually fell in love with Viktor's daughter and got her pregnant. In fear of the mixing of species, Viktor had his daughter killed in which Lucian got the other Lycans together to overthrow the Vampires and escape captivity. Years, later, Lucian is known as being killed in battle with a Vampire called Kraven who made a deal with Lucian to go into hidding so that the Vampire elders would die and end the war between the species. However, Selene (Kate Beckingsale) discovers that the Lycan's are following Michael Corvin for some reason, to find out later that he is a direct descendant of Alexander Corvinus in which they need his blood to combine the bloodlines to create a powerful hybrid. After Michael gets bitten by Lucian (to get his blood) then by Selene (to save his life), Michael becomes the first Lycan-Vampire in which they overthrow Vicktor, accidentally wake up Markus the first Vampire who is also, a Vampire-Dominant Hybrid now, search for answers as to what Markus is looking for now that he is awake and then to try and stop Markus from freeing William who plans on ruling the world as god-like masters of a race of Hybrids.

Underworld: Awakening continues after both William & Markus are killed and both Selene and mix-breed Michael are both on the run in which they are captured, then held in a Lab. Selene is set free in which she immediately escapes and starts to look for Michael. But being in a "New world" she is confused and even more-so when she starts to see visions from what she thinks is through Michaels eyes. Selene then finds a little girl and another Vampire who supports her cause and aids her in this new battle with a new hybrid and race of Lycan's who are hell bent on trying to make a formula which makes them more powerful and immune to Silver. This also involves a Lycan which is 2-3 times the size of any normal Lycan.

Being a fan of the series, I don't really want to sound bias, but this film was a very good watch. Short, but a good watch. Entertaining and the action just didn't stop. The film rolled, there was action. When the action stopped, 5 mins later, there was action again. The film went on like this thorough the whole film. There weren't any slow bits or soppiness, just hard action from start to finish.

The film ends as if there will be more and it is likely that there will be. It would be lovely to see Miss Kate Beckingsale in her Catsuit again, but what next aye? Make sure you go see this, especially if your a fan of the series. Out Now.

(film review) - Colombiana

I'm going to try and do this review without being bias, as Zoe Saldana can't seem to do anything wrong, in my eyes anyway. She is up and coming and very very easy on the eye. As for her acting, I wouldn't say excellent in all honesty, I need to see more of her. I mean more from her. But all in all, she is very good and from starting her acting career in 2000 on screen, going from film to film such as 'Get Over It' with Sisqo, to 'Drumline' with Nick Cannon, then going onto working with Johnny Depp on 'Pirates of the Caribbean', 'The Terminal' with Tom Hanks and then starring as one of the lead stars in 'Avatar' along with Sam Worthington, you cannot say she isn't working Hard. And to now, in her OWN film where the central star is HER, you cannot say she hasn't done well for 11 years on screen.

So after this film, I'm happy to say, I'M A FAN.

This film is from the same person (Luc Besson) who did Taken with Liam Neeson and if you have seen that film and like it (some love it - me included) then this film does not disappoint. For me, it was like watching a Lara Craft (without the exploring - but two guns blazing) mixed with Commando, Taken and a'bad ass' with a gun or two. To put it into perspective, she wasn't f**king around. Don't get on the wrong side of her as she is a trained assassin and like the Tagline for the film, 'Vengeance is Beautiful'.

There is a little romance in the film which doesn't come across as forced. Well, a woman has her needs right? But without spoiling the film's plot as it's very straight forward and simple, she is avenging and it's more about vengeance than the little romance that was there. In addition, the first 15-30 mins will have you hooked. 1) The little girls acting and 2) The Catsuit. Yeah, men will enjoy. Women will enjoy. Men will enjoy more. Go watch it. If your an action type of person, this film had no dull moments from start to finish. Even the child actor was greatness personified. Very Good.

(film review) - Takers

Sorry, but first things first. I like hayden Christensen as an actor. Maybe it's because I'm a Star Wars fan (not THAT much into it like going to conventions, just the story), but his acting in that was excellent. He wasn't seen as young Anakin in this film so I weren't expecting him to draw a Lightsabre or anything. If you seek my older reviews, I did one on Jumper and that was an watchable film that lacked storyline. With that said, it is kind of like this film. And his character kept wear this dodgy hat, ALL THE TIME!

Anyway, this film is about a bunch of, well.....Takers and if you didn't already guess, they TAKE things that don't belong to them. Now we aren't talking about Sweets, CD's, DVD's or Cassettes, we are talking CASH MONEY and a lot of it. In the Millions and Billions. They work as a unit. Smart, effective, quick, precise and they always leave NO evidence or paper-trail. In and Out!

In a heist a few years back, Gordon Cozier (Idris Elba) leads his crew which ends up with Ghost (T.I.) a former member going to jail for 5 years when things go wrong. After getting out early on good behaviour, coincidently the same day the crew do a major heist which leaves Jack Welles (Matt Dillon) and Eddie Hatcher (Jay Hernandez), investigating, Ghost pays John (Paul Walker) a visit, drinks scotch and talks about a new heist that he wants done in no more in what would seem like a few hours of his release. John says he will speak to the crew about it and let him know in the morning.
Being the persistant guy that he is, Ghost gate crashes a party and starts giving it the, 'I'm the man you need in your life' to his former girlfriend who is now with one of his crew members, Jake (Michael Ealy). Although he says that he harbours no ill feelings for the crew leaving him to get caught and him serving time and now Jake has his former girlfriend, there is nothing but tension in the air.
Ghost lays out his plans and as long as everything seems do-able, the team agree to do the heist make off with the money and give Ghost what he was owed from the heist that sent him to jail plus the accumulated interest. However, the heist goes very wrong and although they make off with the money, Jack spots Jesse (Chris Brown) in the subway which ends up being one of the best chase scenes I've ever seen on camera. They all meet up later on in a hotel after a "successful" heist but then someone has other plans.

The film was an enjoyable watch. If your a man looking for action, it has it. If your looking for a lovely female too, Lily (Zoe Saldana) is too hot. She didn't even do or say much in the film but she is sexy enough to just rock a frock and make you forgive the fact that her lines were short. Plus females (as i went with a female), all the men are hot, apparently and with a storyline that isn't too terrible, you won't complain watching this film.
The only bit you would complain about would be the scene that has Jesse and Jake in it. I can't think of a word to describe that scene that would be radio friendly.
The funniest bit had to be Ghost's commentary during the heist where he depicts everything what is happening through his headset to the rest of the crew. And like I said before, Jesse's chase scene had me on the edge of my seat. For Chris Brown's first film I've seen him in, he weren't a bad actor at all.

Watch this film, I'm sure you will enjoy as it has something for everyone. For me, it was Zoe Saldana.

(Vintage Film Reviews) - Hot Fuzz

Dependent on your humour, this film is quite possibly one of the funniest films you would see this year!
This film stars the same actors from 'Shaun of the Dead' Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.

The films main hero is a Police Officer called Nicholas Angel from the London Met who is a Police officer who is well and truely, DEDICATED!!!! He is the kind of officer who pulls out all stops and goes that extra mile. Nicholas Angel is so good at his job and dedicated, his police department "promotes" him to another town in england because he makes them look bad.
This town is called Sandford, where the "crime" rate is so high, that they need a police officer like him to clear it up and bring peace back to the town. The town needs an officer like Nicholas Angel to teach their officers how to take care of situations.
The town seems 'crime-less' and is so small in comparison to London, that everyone knows everyone who is anyone and who is sleeping with who, what for and why. It is a town so small that, crime, doesn't actually happen and if it does, it is an accident or are several otherwise unnoticeable crimes and misdemeanors, in short order (such as shoplifters, underage drinkers and a farmer storing a huge supply of illegal weapons in his barn).
Also, being partnered with a well-meaning but overeager and naive police constable Daniel "Danny" Butterman, the son of the local police chief Inspector Frank Butterman, and a committed action movie fan, things don't half get better for Nicholas Angel. And with the thoughts that Danny believes that his new big-city partner, Nicholas Angel, might just be a real-life policing bad boy, just like Bad Boys the film, with Car Chases and guns blazing, Danny is over the moon to be his partner and is itching to buss a cap in someone's.....you get the point.

Grisly "accidents" soon start to occur and are then linked to a hooded figure. Who is this figure? Why is the town so closed-circuit? and why is it that, Simon "Sissy" Skinner, the charming but sinister manager of the local Somerfield supermarket, always seem to be around the crime scene with something smart to say? Angel suspects him of murdering the victims due to their involvement in a lucrative property deal, but that doesn't go down very well with the town's people and having already clashed with all members of his police force, things aren't going down to well for Nicholas Angel as he is already in a town where nobody likes him along with finding the town difficult to adjust to.
However, despite all this, Nicholas is the only one who can bring an end to all the chaos that is going on in the town.

This film is funny. There is hand to hand combat, guns, car chases, secrets, lies and all sorts of craziness to make you think, 'shut up, man had that in his barn?'. When the action came, it was decently paced, realistic (to an extent) and most of all, was hilarious.

10th May 2007 at 06:57am

(Vintage Film Reviews) - Tom-Yum-Goong

I saw the Trailer to this recently and thought it was due to be out, but I believe they were re-releasing it under a different name.

This film is also know as 'Warrior King' over here, 'The Protector' in the US, 'Neak Prodal Junboth' in Cambodia and 'Honour of the Dragon' in the Netherlands. So don't work if you feel yourself talking about the same film with two different titles to your mate(s) as it actually has five.

For those who have seen 'Ong Bak' and hated it, then this is definitely not for you. But if you saw 'Ong bak' and liked it, this one is much, much better!


Just like 'Ong Bak' Tony 'Merkah Man' Jaa (my name for him by the time the film did finish) plays a Thai man named Kham, who is peaceful and calm until his Elephant's were stolen from his home and taken to Sydney (Australia). In Thailand, the natives respect elephants and regard them as close to family as normal people. These elephants are treated just like family. So then Kham sets out to find his Elephants.

The storyline is slightly dry, however, I do respect the values and morals behind it.
The film starts off with the friendship built between a young boy and an elephant and his father. This part of the film is dry. However, to understand why a man should receive a ‘flying knee to the face’, then this part of the film is imperative to watch.

Once the elephants go missing, that is when the action starts and when I say action, I mean, ‘kick a man in his face who is behind you and had just asked you, "have you ever received a foot in the face" and you don't even turned around to even address him’. That kind of action.

In some elements of the fighting scenes, you can see a thinner, faster and taller Jackie Chan. The guy is so nimble; there is a part where you see him slide through a 10cm slit in a fence. No effects, real.

For those who haven't see any Tony Jaa film, I’ll break it down briefly.
This guy moves fast, he is agile, and he will merk a man in one move. So in saying that, there are times in the film where it seems as if the director said "you, camera man, follow him, all you other fighters, just attack him". Because there is a part in the film where Kham runs into a building and the camera man follows him and Kham is just brucking up everyone who approaches him and there are no cut scenes at all. All in one take.

This is a superb film and I would say, if you want action with a tiny touch of comedy, like the bit where a woman is telling off her partner about buying pirate DVD’s, then you will love this film.
Otherwise, if you don't like fighting films, just watch the first couple of minutes because the rest of it is pure unadulterated one man kicks everyone’s arse throughout the whole film. And with a film like this, who needs a superb storyline?

12th December 2006 at 02:10pm

(Vintage FIlm Reviews) - Battle Royal

First and foremost, this IS a Japanese film, so when watching it, you will not be surprised at what is going on at all.

The film is about a japanese school being so over-run over the years by bad students and not being able to achieve results. Students are either, not going to school by boycotting school or classes or when they do actually go in, they miss behave and get up to no good. Stealing, stabbing, mocking adults, you name it, these students are doing it.

To stop this and make improvements within the schools, the government launch a project called "Battle Royale".

Battle Royale is where teachers will take the bad students on a "School Trip", kidnap them to bring them onto a remote island for a game. When the game is complete after 3 days, is when you can go home. There's only one minor, minor, minor, minor, thing. Only ONE person can win the game. Sounds easy don't it? Well, it's not a game of Ludo or Connect 4 that's for sure. The winner must be the sole survivor of the game. So, if that means stabbing your best-friend, hubby or wifey in the neck with a pencil, then so be it.Indifferent



Each student is wearing an explosive necklace upon waking up and is given a bag of "goodies". In this bag contains your must-have survival tools. Bread, water, map, compass, torch and a weapon. However, for each student, their weapon's will vary. It could be a knife, gun, stick or pot lid. i know...kinda fuming if u got a wooden spoon and your confronted by someone with a cutlass.LMAO

When I first watched this, before anything properly got going, a girl was talking whilst the video was on in which she was meant to be paying attention to. She wasn't meant to be talking, but she was heard and instead of getting a warning, the teacher drew for something and she got a knife in her forehead from across the room, by the teacher. Her body jolted back a little, her body went stiff and she then dropped to the floor. The teacher basically wlaked up to her, stood on her and took out the knife and said, "back to the video".

At that moment in time, my mouth dropped and I was in such amazement, the only thing that came out my mouth was Musiccooold blooodedMusic.

The film is different to say the least. But you couldn't expect anything less from a Japanese film.

It is fresh, stylish, funny, bloody and slightly disturbing, when you think about it. The music plays a big part I feel in the film and also give the film a more comic edge to it, since what is going on is very much ridiculous and outlandish.

It also shows you if your best friend will have your back and protect you, or have your back bored with a knife and cut you. It's survival out there...sink or swim.

29th November 2006

(Vintage Film Reviews) - The Departed

This film stars 6 big actors from past to present. We have (1)Leonardo DiCaprio as Billy Costigan, who has most definitely left his whipped attitude from Titanic to the exact opposite.

We also have a (2) Matt Damon as Colin Sullivan who plays a streets smart, straight 'A' student who has graduated from the Cadet Police Academy.
Once graduated from the Cadets, Colin went to join the police force among many other Cadets, however, things aren't what they seem to be. Billy also goes to join the police force, but for what reason, as he was kicked out of the Cadets?

With such a clean history Colin, the straight 'A' student, joins the force as well as Billy. However, Billy has a turbulent and troublesome history so to think he wants to serve and protect is somewhat a joke! Nevertheless he is hired and then "fired" from the police force to then serve time in prison.

The villain is (3) Jack Nicholson as Frank Costello, who is the Irish Mafia Mob head honcho.



Can you imagine a ruthless Irish Mafia Mob boss who runs the city with an iron grip?
Can you imagine this happening over a long period of time and the police trying to bringing the mob down but no avail?
Can you imagine moles working in both units till things start to become apparent, that each unit has an enemy in it?
Which mole will discover the other mole first?
Which mole will have to Depart?



This is where everything gets tricky.

A mole is working for the police, but the police also have a mole in their Special Investigations Unit led by (4) Alec Baldwin as Ellerby, who is watching Costello's every move. This means, Costello is watching those who are watching him. Ellerby's boss is (5)Martin Sheen as Captain Queenan, who has contact with Costello's henchmen.

With both moles working deep undercover, both moles start to feel the pressure of living a double identity. As one climbs up the ladder in the Police force, the other starts to struggle with his job and how he hasn't had much help, so both moles jobs and lives are at risk.

Things get slightly more interesting and intriguing when Colin starts to date this psychiatrist then she moves in with him, but then when Colin is torn between work, loyalty and his girlfriend, Billy then comes into the picture and starts to see said psychiatrist for counselling.



It is a film of cat and mouse, Loyalty, Power, Decisions & Deception. The film has more twists than a telephone cord and some elements to the film make you think, "so, hold on a Minute!?!". I felt the story did drag a little in the middle to justify the longevity of the "Get Costello" project, but it is well written, smart and edgy and will definitely keep you entertained throughout, especially, the final scenes.

All starring actors which also includes a very very very aggy (6)Mark Walburg as Dignam, Queenan right hand man with a permanent chip on his shoulder, play their parts very well.

29th November 2006 12:14am

(film review) - Ninja Assassin

After watching this film, you'd wish you was a ninja, no lie! You will think that they are the coolest type of people ever. If you think of a ninja, you usually come up with, a guy in pyjama's running around in flip-flops with his face covered up and nothing but his eyes showing with a long sword in his hands and occasionally doing the odd run up the wall and disappearing acts with a puff of smoke. Well, Ninja Assassin is like, all of that on steroids. I'll explain.

Raizo (Rain) is a child being raised by the Ozunu Clan who are to the world, nothing but a myth. Growing up in the temple where they train young children to be deadly ninjas, rain was subjected to a lot of discipline and training which left him with scars all over his body and nurtured him into being one of the worlds deadliest Special Forces Ninja Assassins.
When Mika Coretti (Naomie Harris), a Europol Agent starts to investigate political murders that are linked to the Ozunu Clan, not only does she steal files to find out more about this mysterious clan, the clan find out and come out of the shadows, literally and make an attempt to assassinate her before the truth comes to light.

So the story sounds a little far fetched, I mean who believes in Ninja's that come out the shadows and use death-stars, booo. Yeah, well, after this film you might want to keep away from shadows as these guys do not hang about and they do not play.
The fight scenes are enough to keep you on the edge of your seat and watching hoping to see more ninja activity. There were times when I was watching thinking to myself, these are NINJAS your shooting at, are you dumb? But I guess ninjas are trained to be a certain way, but doesn't make them not human. In addition to the fight scenes, most were in a dark surrounding/environment which made it slightly hard to follow and special effects used to a degree that the fight scenes may not have looked as real if done in a lighter setting. I'm not saying they were hiding the strings, but the dark settings added to the atmospheric feel and well, a ninja wouldn't attack you in broad daylight as it would defeat their purpose, I guess.
There is a lot of blood too, a lot of it. So much deep red blood spilling, pouring and spitting out of joints, limbs and flesh, I thought I was watching a Vimto add for a moment.

The film is a decent film to watch and there are funny bits and I guess you kind of know how the story will go and how it will end, but who has seen people come out of the shadows and keep people then disappear back into the shadows like they were never there before on film? Or Bullets VS Death-stars?
If you like martial arts movies, a cheesy storyline and a lot of action, then this is your movie. And remember what I said at the beginning, you'd want to be a ninja after viewing this.

Trailer: